


Ponyman Wet N' Wild Rodeo Quick Time Event, The Phantom Menace

by Boarding_Sporty



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bulges and Nooks, Can Crushing, F/M, M/M, Multi, Multiple Penetration, No Pants Policy, Nook Eating, Prehensile Genetalia, Threesome - F/M/M, Wet & Messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 21:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15737610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boarding_Sporty/pseuds/Boarding_Sporty
Summary: On a hot day in an indeterminate amalgamation of remembering and forgetting dreams within the twilight of the dreambubbles, one man alone is randy enough to hop on a couch with los gamers teribles and get down to pound, and it most certainly isn't Kankri.





	Ponyman Wet N' Wild Rodeo Quick Time Event, The Phantom Menace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kayforpay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayforpay/gifts).



"...And really, was there really a need for so much female centrism in society? While the population figures would speak otherwise I feel it is very lacking in a woke attitude to supplement them with overrepresentation; while some trolls might say this was to the benefit of society i feel like this could very easily be lumped in with reverse hemoism when being reiterated digitally, because as we all know it-"

 

He's been at this for an hour. No breaks. You're starting to wonder if this dude even needs to breath. Is that his mutant power? Or is it a lime thing? Who can say.    
  
Your name is Latula Pyrope and you are currently waiting for your matesprit to arrive at your hive, however you have been accosted by your friend and one time regretful fling Kankri Vantas, who, if you were to guess, would have "the lungs" as his nickname if he were some kind of mafia type. Fuck, he would be so much more interesting if that were the case, In this case, the case containing this much less interesting reality, he currently is busting an ethical evangelizing nut directly into your ears without asking you, he's rumbling his soapbox so much suds are coming out, and while you consider yourself friends with this guy as well as a lover of justice yourself, his points are so fucking awful and transparently self-interested that you think your auricular canals closed the second he asked his first rhetorical question.   
  
"...and really is it really progressive to make a popular cartoon character more quote un quote masculine due to false assertions of an overly exaggerated sexuality about it? If anything this is just presenting itself as a wholly different form of fetishization and very clearly a showcase of reverse male gazeism-"   
  
You zone back out. Still too dangerous to peel your ears open, thankfully you might not have to as you see a rad yellow blob skating towards you over the horizon...   
  
And fall down...   
  
And get back up and start moving towards you again...   
  
And tumble face first into a hedge...   
  
Okay so you think he's got it now, and honestly he seems to be having more up time than usual, a fact you should totes bring up. Mituna really does love praise, he takes it to heart, if more of your pals saw that positive feedback really got through to him more you're certain he would recover a lot faster!   
  
Also if he stopped trying to ollie jesus fuck thank god he's wearing a helmet.   
  
He gets back up though, he always does, and coasts right up to you with a big smile on his face.   
"What's hangin all the way out bitches?" he casually remarks, putting up the horns (fingers, not head) and sticking his tongue out, you smile, sadly from the sound of someone visibly balking to your right this isn't a sentiment shared among the 'bitches'. "excuse you, some of us are trying to have a civil discussion here free of vulgarity and socially pregnant terminology? Your lack of awareness and considerable disregard for your own health and probable health of others really belies a need to give yourself a break from socialization, I feel like it would probably do you a lot better than harming yourself by engaging in self destructive activities when you should be laying down or brushing up on your mobility in a safe padded area-"    
  
"not much babe kudos on the sick timing" You cut him off, how could you not, you're tempted to shoulder check him and his chest high pants to the pavement, but he's so fragile it would probably kill him. You get up and give ya boy a hug, more of a chest bump mixed with a back slap, but its affectionate as fuck.   
  
"should you really be engaging in such forceful displays of sympathy for each other when one of you is clearly in need of being infirmed??? perhaps PDA is the literal worst thing either one of you could be doing right now?" Wow he really is cranky now isn't here? That's a shame... not really though, its literally him being jealous and it 100% is a personal problem. He can double die mad about it though.   
  
He however ain't dying in peace because he grips your shoulder and tries to spin you around, and you let him, only so you can look at him with disappointment. "hey, listen, don't you want some change in your life? I mean obviously babysitting someone full time has no doubt put you under a lot of strain, so perhaps you would prefer it if you... changed things up a bit?" Mituna kicks up his board and catches it, he must be kinda pissed because he coordinated the fuck out of that movement. "she could change up if she wants, but why fucking would she? I'm bitch shitting perfection, I love videogames" He also reaches out and tries to flip you around, and they both sort of do this weird washing machine oscillation for a bit before you get tired of it "you know what? you are absolutely right. I do need a change of pace, mix shit up in my life." As you are still looking at Kankri you get a good view of his face turning from surprised to smug "Yes see? I feel it would be a good break from the..." he peers over your shoulder "...stresses. In your life." If he were actually speaking his mind you would probably deck him right in his jaw "Yeah. How's about a threesome?" Boom, basically like punching him, he looks stunned, Mituna reaches over your shoulder and starts to slap him on the shoulder, glad he's enjoying this as much as you are. 

 

"Um. Well, I would accept but, well, I wouldn't..."

 

You finally remove his hands from your shoulder and shove him aside, levelling your finger at a convenient grouping of trolls you know nearby.  "No not you, that dude" The camera pans to the right of Kankri over to a couple of troll playing street hockey, one such troll is basically already wearing bondage gear, so he's the obvious troll to pick, after from frantic excited signing from his morail he turns around and lifts his welding goggles, squinting.

He points to himself, quizzically "Oh, do you mean myself?"   
  
"Yeah, you. You look like a guy who fucks." He smiles at that, almost as much as kankri looks like he's about to jizz his dick right off his crotch in indignation. 

 

You stare at him blankly "What you want to watch or something?" Indignation levels rising, the best he ever looks is when he's at a loss for words to say. You slap him on the back, then beckon over to Horuss. He rubs his chin and nods like he just invented a new light bulb but is still reasoning out the logistics. 

 

"...Well I do most certainly... copulate..." he looks over to Meulin, who is giving two distinctly huge thumbs up, shrugs, and trots on over. "Very well! I shall toss my head accoutrements' into this circle of erotic happenstance, with great gusto at that!" Nice. Mituna takes his attention off of Kranky and goes in for a high five from bondage boy, who tries to shake it, the level this guy is on is continuously astounding. Your attention is wrenched away from this spectacle of bro meets ho by, once again, that bitch. "What on Alternia are you doing?? Are you insisting on performing your quadrants to abysmally to spite me? Quadrant blurring? Extra quradranterial affairs? Seriously you know I just want the best for you, and while i'm sure you have mentally barricaded yourself from the idea of how traumatized you feel at the loss of your Matesprit that is no reason to-" For like the 50 th time there is some shoulder grabbing, this time though you swear you hear a hitmarker sound at Mituna turns sweater guy around and makes eye contact(?) with him.   
  


"Hey, the summer bitch Olympics just called, you're wanted on the first place podium" He doesn't skip a beat, zero muscles on his face twitch as he dumps the whole can of neon green energy sludge directly on his face, and he recoils ironically enough like someone hit with holy water, you faintly say 'oh shit dude' as you watch this grand slam disservice unfurl like a renaissance tapestry in front of you, modern fucking art really.

Bondage boy is making an o face and holding up a hand to his mouth like someone just crashed a cotillion, honestly giving you ideas before anything even starts. You mentally give yourself a pat on the back for being the architect for this shituation, its kinda rad, you'd take a picture if your groundhog day immortality wasn’t full of choice moments like these.   
  
***   
  
He takes his boots off near the door, only one out of the three of you to do. Mituna as usual doesn't even bother to wipe his feet on the mat so he's just tracking dirt everywhere while he heads to the fridge. Horuss sits himself down on the couch and just sort of pleasantly stares at the wall behind the TV. You sit down to the right of him, might as well. "Hey, thanks for being cool back there." 

 

He doesn't move his head, its just kinda doing its own thing at this point. "Oh not at all! Honestly I could use a break from being totalled at sporting activities for a while. It is terribly warm out tonight." 

 

Mituna cracks open another energy drink and yells over from the meal block "yeah  fucker some shit else is gonna get totalled soon" 

 

He sniffs. Turning to actually look at you, or at least you think so, all the people in your hive right now are wearing eyewear. "Oh, so this was, a serious invitation? I had surmised this was just a spur of the moment thing for practical japery purposes." 

 

You shrug. "Kidding on the square, I did mean that you look like a dude who fucks, so if you're comfy with it id be down. Sure Mituna would be too."

 

Basically on cue he walks over and sits down opposite pony boy, kicking his legs up over all of you.  He takes his helmet off and chucks it behind the couch, it knocks over a painting that thankfully lands on the fuzzy textured walking surface, cleaning up glass isn't especially sexy, not to you anyways. 

 

"Fuckin sure, no probfuckinlem, im ready to get globes deep in whatever." 

 

You pat him on the foot, he looks very cute when he's smiling. "See? Everything is square with us, so if everything is square with you and your quads then I don't see why we cant to a little something special tonight." 

 

He turns his welder stare to Mituna and then back to you, he hasn't stopped smiling but you feel his radiant joy energy power up a little. "Well, I know Meulin is very fine with it... Rufioh is one for open relationships to I’m sure he would be exuberant...hmm.."    
  


"Come oooooon!”   
"Come fucking ooon!"   
  
He holds his hands up, he's blushing a little now. "Okay, I would most certainly accept this invitation for multiple person coitus, I promise I will do my best to see it through to completion." You and mituna cheer, you lean up and eiffel tower high five over him, you're fairly certain at this point this is going to be a pleasant experience!

  
***   
The couch seems like the best place to do things, as you all probably don't want to get gunked up and knocked out (this time)  Thank fuck its big and has padded arms, you don't want to worry about Mituna hitting his poor soft noggin mid way through. You're not on the couch right now though, right now you're in the ablution block helping Mituna take off his one-piece, it's a little tricky because it doesn't have any zippers on it, so you're right now stretching it out and rolling it down his neck. These suits aren't terribly difficult to get out of, but he has a few motor control issues, and plus you don't really mind, it's a nice intimate moment. You brush your fingers along his back at you roll it down over his shoulders, he's got a few yellowish bruises from falling over on the way here along with just some older general injury scars (a few of which are claw marks from you, oops!). You worry about him sometimes. Well, a lot of the time. You lean in and give him a gentle hug from behind, resting your head on his shoulder. He runs his fingers through your hair, you try not to make this a moment, but it's a little of one. 

 

You get rid of your case of the moopies by slapping him on the ass once you get his jumpsuit down around his legs. This turns out to have been kind of a bad call because he turns around to try and exact retribution and ends up falling right into you and knocking you both to the floor.

You both do a bit of laughing and shoving before the door creaks open and Horuss leans in, hand over his eyes. "I heard a crash, are both of you uninjured?" 

 

Mituna starts wiggling to flip around, so you help him "Fuck man we are literally just about to fuck you don't need to cover your eyes" 

 

He hums "Oh, I guess that is true." He's been changing in the bedroom, he felt like it would be intruding too much, honestly you figured this guy would be barely restrained horny the whole time but so far he's been a gentleman, you guess he just talks like a five second ready meal pervert as some kind of defence mechanism, or because he actually is, but just in a soft way. You don't really want to look a gift horse in the mouth too much. He picks Mituna up off of you fairly easily, then you... dude has a strong grip that's for sure. You find yourself lamenting being the only naked troll in the room, as both of them are only undressed to the waist, well apart from like, half a cheek. Probs just you being greedy for seeing how fuck off this guys bulge is, you wont need to wait long for that though.    
  
"Thanks dude." You pat him on the shoulder.    
  
"Hey since you're in here why not fucking whip it out?" Mituna punches him in the side, he winces a little, probably to be polite.    
  
"I beg your pardon?"    
  
"You heard me. Finish the fight bitch, fucking haul that beast right on out right the fuck here." He reaches down and tugs playfully at his belt.     
  
You snort. "I mean since you're in here already you might at well." You shrug, like watching this toned preppy cold blood release the kraken isn't up there on your erotic agenda for the evening.    
  
"Hm. Yes, might at well then!" He reaches down and unbuckles his sign belt and slides them pantaloons right on down, confirming your hypothesis that this dude has some fucking jacked thighs, on par with how jacked the rest of him is at least. He has little horseys on his briefs though, holy fuck that's adorable, you say as much out loud, he chuckles softly and goes to tug em down.   
  
Mituna pipes up at this. "Dude do you fucking take your shoes off after your fucking underpants."    
  
He freezes solid. "Ah. Noooooooooooooo?" He clears his throat and starts to work his boots off.   
  
In the meantime Mituna tugs at his jumpsuit and slides the rest of that sucker down, joining you in being fully in the buff. He picks his energy drink up and starts sipping at it while Horuss works his riding boots off, wait fuck didn't he take those off at the door earlier? Did he... want to fuck in those? Huh. "Hey uh, if you want to keep those on you can. No biggie."    
  
He pauses. "...Perhaps I do...If it won't be too much of an issue...." You look at him, in the eye precisely, because you've kinda been looking below the belt and he is kinda tall, you don't need to crane your neck when he's sitting on the floor though.  

...Wow it's fucking surreal seeing him without his goggles on, he has some nice looking eyes actually.    
  


"Nah, knock yourself out. Just don't kick us with them, that would be kinda bogus." 

 

He nods stiffly and stands up. "Then I believe I have finished changing!"    
  
...   
  
"Don't forget your underpants."   
  
"Oh, right."

 

He gingerly tucks his thumbs into the elastic and zoop, those fuckers shoot right off! God damn this guy has a lot of room doesn't he? "Hey slide that fucker out!" Mituna doesn't waste a single second, bless him. The tip of his bulge pokes it blue tip out, then slowly extends itself out of the nook... and keeps going... and keeps going... wow. Its kinda got a flared tip, you wonder if that's natural or some kind of biomod, you probably shouldn't ask as it might be a sore subject. "Wow that is one fucking big bitch isn't it? Is it fucking... is it as fucking ripped as the rest of you?" 

 

Horuss frowns and looks at him. "...I... have no idea. How would I even go about displaying that..?" Mituna tosses his now empty energy drink can once, then holds it down beside his nook. His bulges slowly slide out around it, and after a bit of grunting they finally get it to buckle. He picks it outta there and holds it over, Horuss kinda winces a bit, picking it up by the non yellowed bits, then hands that sucker off to his third arm.   
It feels like it barely tightens around it at all before the can just fucking crinkles inward, fucking incredible, you and Mituna both ooh at the same time, he scratches his neck. 

"Well, I guess I am! Uh, from lots of practice I imagine." 

 

You snort. 

 

...Yeah there's no way hes not referring to masturbating.   
  
***   
  
After everyone makes sure their clothes are put in a place where they won't lose them, you all finally get to the fucking couch, and you know what that means!

"It's, a little cold in here isn't it?" 

 

Yeah that's right, it's time to turn the fucking heat up and take care of any last minute bitching before you all make a mess. You put a tarp down over the couch, and on the floor, and you know what better make it like, two because wow it's gonna get juicy in a bit. Mituna as usual is prepping the couch tarp by bouncing up and down on it, thankfully sex tarps don't crinkle as that would be an intolerable racket. 

 

Ol ponyman canters over, he's just kinda pacing around the room. "You okay dude?" 

He looks up. "Oh, yes I’m fine, just a little bit of, er, performance anxiety, stage fright if you will... stage fright for eroticism." You make a question mark with your mouth "...So like, sex fright?" 

 

Beat cut.

 

"I feel that would be something rather different, but no, just some jitters I’m shaking out." You shrug. "Kay, no pressure." The couch space beside Mituna beckons, so you hop over the armrest and fill it. Seeing both of you In Position must even out his fuck feng shui because soon after you are tucking your legs in for him to take a seat in the middle. Mituna reaches up and starts to scratch his head, Horuss startles a little, he must not be used to that you guess. You join in, fill the void of head scratches in this guys life. He hmms, the kind of hmm you make when two people who want to have sex with you are giving you some good fucking head scritches. Very gentle, gossamer threads of horny resignation or some shit. His cheeks get just a hint of blue on them, and you know that probably means you should give him some mouth to mouth, thank goodness he's a blueblood so this joke actually works. 

 

You gently cup his chin and point his face to face your face, as you lean in for some face time, you feel the gentle tickle of his breath on your face as your lips touch. It's quiet in the block apart from the sound of passionate breathing, little bit of mouth action, the ac blowing, and gentle scalp rubbing. You lean in close and wrap your arms around his back and pull yourself right up close, he feels so fucking solid, so you put in a little extra hug pressure to feel a little bit of comfortable tautness in your shoulders. 

 

Your knees are pulled up to the side, he's just sitting normally and kinda side saddle towards you, Mituna is slowly moving his hand down the big guys neck, digging in, then latching on with his mouth like some kind of deep sea suction beast, he probably bites down just a little bit too as bluebell moans into your mouth when he does this, your heads are tilted now, your mouths are ever so slightly misaligned so it was only partially muffled. 

 

His eyes are closed now, his face is most definitely bright blue, you grip the back of his head and really pull yourself into helping Mituna give this guy a combination smoochfest. You pull out of lip lock and smile at him, you look over his shoulder at Mituna and you both nod, he doesn't really put up and resistance as you turn him round and switch positions, you perhaps want to bite down just a little stronger so you can one up ya boy, and ho golly that yields some moaning and some fucking choice lip biting, god damn this guy is pent up. His bulge slips out, probably from all the excitement, a little bit of blue spills on the tarp, fucker could probably rock a non touch orgasm at some point. You keep that in mind for a segment of your life where you don't feel like doing any touching, aka not now, as you reach right around and grab that fucking beast with one hand and get to the slip and slide. 

 

Mituna goes in slightly since he is right there, might as well! One bulge joins in the handjob while the other just ever so slightly starts spelunking. You figure you should probably put your hand over his mouth, he probably is all about that shit, and damn if you aren't! Right now he's quivering like a hoofbeast gently romping through the moonlight dew. Gently nibbling at your hand like you have some kind of glucose cube in it, all that biting must have really gotten to him. You tighten your grip on him and start gearing up for a bit more of a thrusting motion, getting right down near the connective tissue right at the top of the nook, and just like that the quivering jacks up to shuddering. Mituna is still keeping the macking on, you don't really want to let him hog all the time in the saddle so you tug on his reigns a little, aka his ponytail. You can't quite get your mouth around to get some kind of acrobatic ass triple kiss, but you do get him far enough back to start nibbling on his ears, perhaps licking his cheek, you honestly can probably get your fucking absurd tongue round to the kissing but you're a horny dumbass giving him an oral wet willy, who gives a fuck if its sexy, you're horny right now!

 

Actually that gives you an idea, you release your hold on his hair and motion for him to turn around, obviously he does. This time he picks his feet off the floor and straddles you a little, and you know, these are some nice fucking riding boots, shame they're behind you now and out of view, did he make them himself? Who knows, you're folding over and sticking your oral tentacle in his artful crevice and having a grand old time going side to side while skater boy picks up the hj slack, also doing a bit of grinding on this guys flank, getting a little yellow on there. 

You're probably going to get some blue in your hair since you're doing this while hes fully deployed, but that's one of the hazards you accepted before you did this. You feel the weight of that thing on the back of your neck, it's a little cooler than you so its kinda like a slightly thawed ice pack. It unspools a little more, you can tell because you have a sudden cold and slimy feeling on the back of your neck, you think a little as you gently get nose breath on his nooks outer folds, Mituna is probably getting a little too warm from all the action and the heat being up, getting spewed on would probably cool him down... if not the shower after would probably do that too, but it would be fun to see if he shivers any. 

 

You pull back, Horuss briefly makes a pouty face, but you put your hands on his chest and make him lean back, he's gonna get plenty. Mituna is back against the armrest, Horuss's horns on either side of his thorax as he settles his head down in his lap. There is a bit of head rubbing, but you cut that short when you lean across the breadth of him and grab Mituna by the hands, he kinda wriggles his way out from behind him and joins you in kinda straddling on top of him facing each other, perhaps accidentally stepping on his face once, not hard though, he still goes ow anyways, probably reflexively. Hopefully. 

 

Now properly positioned both of you are truly prepared for some horseplay! Not literally though, there will be some riding though. You motion to Mituna to grind that slick sex noodle, before you remember doy, he has hair over his eyes, and just say "Yo you ready for some two player action?" You hear faintly from behind him "... Three player?" You give him a sharp affectionate slap on the bulge. "This is more of a pve, with you being the e for now." He grunts, you don't know from what. Mituna uses his dualshock precision to rope the big blue cool pool noodle right on into his charging dock, you put your hands on his shoulders so he doesn't accidentally fall off and break his neck going buck wild on that B, but he fully hilts alright enough, you keep forgetting how much room he has. You're glad you're looking at him right now so you can get a face full of the wobbly expression he has post stuffing. He watches too much East Alternian Pornography because you can fucking tell he's trying to emulate some kind of face here, either that or it's really too much for him to- ah, nope, fingers up tongue out. Fucker. You snirk a bit, this guy you swear. 

 

After a quick look at what steeplechaser is emoting (roughly the same thing but he's probably putting on less of a show) you figure it's your turn to get on in there! You unspool the tool and do a few bulge flexes to make sure you don't pull a muscle wriggling this bad girl in there, then after cracking your knuckles theatrically you reach out and grasp the saddle by the stirrups or whatever and shimmy right on iiiiiin there ohmygod thats nice. You can't help but make just a bit of a face, biting your lip as one does, you feel a ping on your forehead and look up to see Mituna sticking his tongue at you, you stick yours out right back at him, he's shuddering like hes popping grubcorn in his pelvis, you probably have a bit of that look as well, its kinda a tight squeeze with him deployed, fucking w o r t h it though, hoooly fuck. 

 

You zone out a little while you start grunting, kinda becoming aware of all this dude everywhere, the friction between you and his lower half, you come out of your minute in the bone zone to wipe your forehead off and check to see if Mituna is okay. He's fine, duh he's always fine, but he hasn't been cracked in half or anything like that, he's fucking acting like it though. He finally is loose enough for you to start going at a biiiit of a faster pace, must have been anxious about both of you being on top of him or something. Ugh fuck hold your previous thought if you don't slow down you're going to ride this high right over the jump and knock out all the bars on the way down or whatever hoofbeast riders do. You knock it down from jackhammering a sidewalk to stuffing a turkey, and you are i n   t h e z o n e oh mama, each shove is slow and shuddery your legs are kinda shaking now too, have they been shaking this whole time? 

 

Ehhh, horny. 

 

You're fucking riled up now, you wanna get a little greedy with this, you kind of don't get a chance too, as in a split second you feel something hit you in the chest, and the next minute you're a mixed paintball target of premium slurry, your bulge has bent backwards and slid out, and suddenly the saddle is a lot more slippery, because you slide right off and take a tumble off the couch and onto the tarp. Ugh. You... you forgot to bring towels didn't you. Shit. You bless your patron troll saint of not taking a full double barrel shotgun blast of troll nickelodeon gak directly to your face that that... didn't happen. You feel a hitmarker on your shoulder as your sprit peels you up a little and looks at you concernedly. "You okay?" You grumble a bit, but give him a smirk and a thumbs up. He looks over to Horuss and nods, the latter heaves a sigh, he also is there beside you. Your very own emt special moneyshot unit, your heros. You sit up and scratch your head, then shake it out, right, gunk. You didn't get to finish, ugh. You feel an arm look over your shoulders as ya boy sits beside you. "You know, you should probably wear a helmet during sex if your balance is that bad when you fuck." Hah. Funny.   
  
***   
  
It's been a little, you've all toweled off, showered, had a bite to eat. Little bit of doofy shit here and there. It's not, a while, because the clothes are still off. The general energy is 'okay that was fun, let's do it with towels nearby this time'. Horuss very graciously offers to clean up the blue raspberry lemon slushy as well as the resulting trails you tracked over the hive, he just kinda, mops naked for a bit. You would offer him some kind of frilly apron so you can imagine he's your huge fuck butler, but you don't want to be rude. Mituna does though, and sadly lacking in maid related paraphernalia he gives him the gag apron he got you for your wriggling day a few sweeps ago, and it's a bit less dignified than your momentary fantasy, but 'my globes are up here' with an arrow pointing down is kinda tacky in a sexy way? You guess? Mituna gets a kick out of it so, it'll do. Once all the spew is gone, you all once more meet on the couch, in order from left to right Mituna, Latula, Horuss. 

 

"You can take the apron off now." 

 

Horuss squints for a second before going 'Oh' and removing it... little bit of blue on the inside bottom. Good to know. You were hoping to not need to clean it but, whatever, it's a memento. 

The action warms up with you facing mituna and getting a shoulder rub from Mr.Goggles, Mituna would give you a foot rub but he would probably do a bad job, he still is working out fine pressure control and you don't really want your foot muscles to be the testbed for that. 

Instead he puts his helmet on you and leans over to give you some attention down below. You rub your fingers through his hair while he does it, it always is so damn soft, he's just kinda attacking it though, you're fairly sure he's being bad on purpose so you'll yank his hair, but you don't feel like that right now. You sit there like a sea dweller admiral being attended on before you finally feel like it and put your hands on the back of his head.  _ That's more like it!  _

 

You rub him a little around the base of his horns, that old chestnut, to show him how delighted you are at some of this service, he makes some kinda soft nasal grunt of satisfaction. It's all good. 

You feel a light knocking on your helmet and look up at Horuss, he's got a big stupid smile on his face at he points to his head, so you switch your scalp attention to him his smile kinda squishes as she closes his eyes, you're fairly sure you feel a tickling at your back signalling him writhing against you passionately, honestly it's fluid enough to feel super nice, like a physiotherapy crawler or something. You rest yourself against Horuss and kinda lean into it.

 

Mituna doesn't return to licking, or rather, he does, but he starts rubbing the bit of your bulge sticking out at the top, and hooo boy there sure are a lot of nerve endings in that puppy, you sigh, this is basically heaven. Uh, probably in more ways than one actually. Your yeet that thought right out of your head. Instead you decide to give some positive feedback to him for the stellar game he's bringing right now, once again diverting your head scratching.  You catch yourself unslithering your bulge and poke Mituna in the face on accident. He takes that in stride and holds the base, he kinda pokes you with his claws a little, but he changes his grip when he hears you react. It's all into a good rhythm, nobody is in any danger of falling off, flank steak is frotting on your back, it's just some content ass sex right now. 

 

You're glad you're wearing a visor now so they don't catch your bogus relaxation face you make, though they might be too busy to notice anyways. You wiggle the helmet around, its very well padded, but the horn section kinda pinches. You think about taking it off, but eh, you don't want to bother really. You feel a tap on your shoulder and look up. "...Would you like it if I joined in?" You wonder what he means before, ah, crotch, duh. You give him a blissed out thumbs up, then watch as he steps up over you and takes a seat on your upper abdomen. Okay perhaps after you get a chance to unbend your legs. There we go. Since Mituna is handling the bulge from the bottom, when easy rider starts to go in there's a bit of criss crossing in bulgeville, that probably must feel good. It certainly feels good on your end. You wriggle it out of Mitunas grip and entwine it a little to max the grinding before you re thread the needle with his hand. Little bit of an extra squeeze on it, you probably could gush right here and now, all that flared tip is really hitting the sides on its way in, almost as much as Mituna when he does two at a time and spreads em out a little, obviously not as much as when he spreads em wide but it's a good medium dilation. 

 

Okay wow nevermind actually it's kinda bending around in there and woah you're starting to get a feel for why Mituna full out ahegaoed at you, if only jokingly, you might have to bust one out all by your lonesome behind beefcakes back, and if someone has an orgasm in the woods and nobody is around to see them looking like a horny idiot does it really matter? 

 

Well you matter, and how fucking thick this dudes base is certainly is mattering more and more by the second, you kinda want to retract a bit to make more room but fuck this fucker is snug as hell right now and it feels like you've got a whole belly full of sex eels. 

 

Whoa, shit okay, hes still going, you cough a little to try to let him know, but he doesn't, so you try to lean forward and give him a light grab to give him a clue. It's basically impossible with him pinning your lower back to the couch. You try and stretch your arm out anyways and whooops you end up clawing him. He grunts a little, and HHHG okay fuck he's being rough now he thought you were playing rough shit god you should have just said something but nooo you OOOH ooh, ooooh, ooooooooh, fuck shit damn, he is fucking sledging you with that fucking meat mallet of his and you are once again a huge fucking horny idiot, dooming future you to bearing the brunt of getting fully bombarded by the drones on your little walk down to fuckville to pick up some delightfully bulgic bread. 

 

"Okay hhhhey dude sorry about that could you tone it down just a bit kinda aching here." You cave to your future self when lingering hungry wins out over horny, cuz you might want to eat later and if you can barely walk you might trip and bang your helmet and then where would you be? One sick satisfied bitch with a matching helmet from her somewhat less fuckencumbered man that's who. Its at this point you start gunking, just a full fucking crotch sprinkler setting off, you exhale, you didn't know you were holding your breath. You feel the wiggly technicolour noodles start to retract, yours is fucking limp and tired right now, not like, fully tired mind you, but tired enough to act like it. Mituna raises his arms in the air and goes "Woo!", nice dude, same. You raise yours and woo back, try to lean up to high five but, ah, huge man. He looks over at you, kinda back and forth between the two of you. "Yes, woo." You all high five. He hops off and you go to peel your helmet off and stand up, you forget that Mituna hasn't stood up yet and, ah, whoops, there you are, on the floor again, this time the gunk is yours. You're wearing a helmet this time so all the sympathy you get is a brief "Haha fucking wipeout." from your wonderful matesprit. Double thumbs up. Horuss is already there with a towel.   
  
***   
  
You all spend some time watching a movie. Its something Horuss picked out about cartoon wild horses trying to stop a train or whatever, he talks over most of it pointing out that this particular area of Alternia didn't have native horses to its kinda ironic that them being an invasive species would be so against the fuschiafication of the area. Its kinda interesting you guess. Also kinda depressing. Also also no unicorns or neat magical shit like that. 

 

As soon as the third bowl of buttered exploded kernels is finished Mituna pipes up. "So, since both of you have had a turn in the middle I think I should get a bit too. Fucking equity ya know?" 

 

You look over, he's on the other side of Horuss as he didnt want to lay down, all of you are still almost nude, with a pair of boots between the three of you. Mr. Goggless (goggle-less, cus, you know) smiles over at you  "Yes, well after such a stimulating piece of cinema I could use a bit of intimate physical activity!” 

 

Ah yes, the horse movie made him horny again. You're down, but you want to front a little, just cus, skater girl and shit, cant go doing a rail grind all the time. Shrugging, you say "Ehh, I guess so. Not sore right now so we're good." Mituna makes a fist and sinks his elbow like he just scored a touchdown, only the only touching down in this instance is going to be happening to him. Or some shit. You musical chairs yourselves and arrive at You, Mituna, Horuss. Peak staging position for getting randy and rounding out your decent sex trilogy. 

 

This time the plank in the eye of the combined colour barrage is kickflip, and he looks excited like a game people were hyped for turned out to be total fucking shit. Internet hatred moshpit, just like the moshpit this guy’s slurry hole is gonna be once you lay some pipe in there. 

You mount up the top position for pitching while ponyboy takes the upper thigh for working the twin terrors. Honestly hm having a double down makes it easier to slip between them, probably gonna be wild once he gets riled up. You contemplate sitting on the lower half, perhaps letting Horuss sit on his face while he chokes and strokes, but given how big he is he would probably break Mituna's neck like a twig. Mituna would probably say it was worth it but you're not in any kind of mood to find out if it would be or not, too many people (you) have hit the floor tonight. 

 

You grind on his pelvis a little to re warm yourself up while your partner in slime little boy blue pinches the nib, so to speak. Geez you sure have fucked like twice in the past two hours haven't you? Thank god trolls don't have some kind of cooldown for this sort of stuff. 

After a little chitinous friction you have once again thwomped out the Gavel and are ready to pronounce this dude fucking guilty as hell of getting fucked, by you, or whatever. You put the freakin bulge in the nook, graciously caressing it between the twin peaks before splash landing in the Gene Pool for a little funky spunky. You pause to sigh, putting your hand on your borrowed helmets visor. Then it's back to getting entangled, his bulges wrap around yours,  Horrus doesn't really know what to do for a second as there is no obvious protrusion to either impale oneself upon or perhaps to grasp, so he shrugs and asks "Uh, do you think I could perhaps also fit myself inside of there?" 

 

You stop grunting like a snout beast digging up a truffle to stare at him, does... 

 

..No, wait, right, his bulge, fucking of course. You go to respond when Mituna yelling "Yeah fucker crack me in fucking half!!!!" cuts you off, You give him an affirming thumbs up and a smile to let him know that yes, there is room for two in the hot tub, and he wastes zero time and energy slamming his curiously mammalian yet obviously not junk in the bunk! You grit your teeth a little because whoa this is a way larger squeeze than last time and you certainly are feeling like your bulge might pull something, but in kinda, a hot and subtly HhhHHHhh fuck okay wow it's getting fucking perilous here. 

 

Mituna is making a hell of a lot of noise, you can barely tell who's who in the churning pit of colour complimentary pool noodles currently cooking here, some of the shouting may in fact be from you digging your claws in and giving him a few more scrapes on his thigh, good shouting though. He isn't doing any wrapping right now, thank god, he might split his exoskeleton if he did, he still has them kinda squirming around in there, occasionally brushing past your bulge, if you weren't pounding like you were taking out a sidewalk it might tickle a bit, but its just crackling nerves excitement, vague unease, and passion! Horuss has dug in as well, along with picking up the grunting, kinda making you feel a little self conscious but whatever, this is kinda fucking fantastic, also kinda stupid, but hey you know he usually leaves most of the walking to you anyways and plus he has a helmet so honestly he's very well equipped for walking funny for the next sweep or so. 

 

Oh geez there's bits of blue and off blue kinda flowing out of it now, oh fuck is your slurry canal constricted? Oh lord it is, you make an incredibly funny face as you feel a gentle bloating inside your bulge, you're fairly sure this sensation is hella worrying while also kinda contributing to your concurrent crashing waves of enthralling carnal bliss as you hammer away like a total fucking idiot! Yellow is starting to come out a bit but you're still going! You feel like a hose hooked up to a fire hydrant that someone stepped on down there, and its got you to a whole new level of being horned out of your mind, if sex required a license you would have it revoked for operating your member while intoxicated on this nonsense. You cant fucking operate like this anymore. You ease back and get shot directly in the visor with a geyser of your own fluids... okay actually like three different fluids. You look like you just had a black powder ball bomb explode in your hand in a cartoon, total frontal coverage. You wipe your visor off and, yep Horuss as well. Tilting further back... yeeeep, ceiling as well. Cool. Probably should... get that before it dries. You stumble to your feet, juttering like you just touched down in a primitive spacecraft. Soon you are joined by your first co pilot in the wings as he, oh geez he got it in his eyes probably. You schlorp him on the shoulder with your free hand, all actions are schlorping at this moment really, he shlorps you back affectionately on yours. Comradery. You hear the sound of a foot stepping in three flavour swamp water and turn to see mituna getting up from the couch... and it's still slippery oh god he isn't WEARING HIS HELMET YOU ARE WAIT.

  
***   
  
Wrapped up in blankets after a nice warm shower and some hugging is Mituna, safe and sound with an icepack on his head. To the left is you, to the right is Horuss. You're watching some, uhhh, you forget the name really, but its that one with, the laser swords? The other one. No no, the other one. Yeah that one. Mituna likes it, its a stock sci fi experience so you all do really. Mituna couldn't care less that he got a bonk on the head now, though you certainly can. 

 

"...Why would he stick his hand in the laser field? I know this is the comedy relief character but it does seem... a little over the top."

 

Ahh, you're very glad this question isn't going to be answered. 

 

"Its cuz hes a fucking dumbass who keeps touching stuff." 

 

Well not answered in like, five paragraphs, verbal paragraphs. Point is you all are enjoying this shit movie right now. Tuna is wearing one of your hoodies, one that isn't all worn down so its still kinda soft inside. It's a very soft clothing kind of time right now, as obviously you all are a little tired. 

 

"Aw shit this guy, he's the guy who eats shit using his feet right?" you postulate to the crowd.

"Fuck yeah, does that thing where he bites the head off an alien cluckbeast and spits it at anakin, then he calls him shit, uh, using an alien word." 

 

"It sounds very similar to the Alternian word for fecal, at least the highblood version. Very apt demonstration that this man is a gentleman."

 

"He totally isn't, he fucking cheats like fuck." 

 

"Oh." 

 

"Hey don't spoil it, the Sealed Container Speed Competition is the best part."

 

"Oh, right, shit, sorry." 

 

"Nah its cool no need to say sorry." 

 

"Sorry for saying sorry." 

 

"Shhhhhhhhh." 

 

"Shhhhhhhh" 

You both shush him, he really – says sorry too much, he goes for a third and you kiss him, then snuggle in a bit closer. He gently whispers in your year. "Bitch." and you sigh contentedly. At this point it's building up to the race, the good part, apart from the laser sword fight at the very end. You grab a gummy worm from the pack in the middle, gently dangling it over his head till he snaps at it like a tweet beast. You hold out another couple for Horuss to see how he eats offered food and, yep he just sort of nibbles it out of your hand, getting a bit of spit on it. Good to know. You wipe your hand off and get some for yourself, and you eat them normally. Well for you. Horuss pulls you both in close, and he's a bit dude so he can kinda fit his arms around you. You all group snuggle while one of the pods explodes, the pilot clearly being fine afterwards after skidding along the ground a little bit. You lament how lame the lack of death is, its not awful, but it could totally make there be a bit more tension in this scene. 

 

"So this is... some kind of laser chariot thing correct? " 

 

"Yeah kinda." 

 

"I feel this would have been a good opportunity to include a depiction of alien beasts of burden, perhaps pulling said laser chariot." 

 

"Can muscle beasts even run that fast?" 

 

"They could, but this is a fantastic scenario so really I feel they could push the envelope on what speed a racing beast can travel." 

 

"Yeah totally, and they could have them bite that guy instead of him getting lasered." 

 

"Yes, precisely, the interaction between troll and beast would be a wonderful upping to the tension." "Could do, are you really prepared for watching a musclebeast get hurt running and falling over though?" 

 

"...No. Ugh, I guess that is justification enough." 

 

He loosens his hug a bit, you reposition yourself behind Mituna and turn this into sort of a cuddling matryoshka doll, The part after the racing kinda goes by in a blur, really most of this movie is forgettable, especially the comedy bits. Still just sitting there and hugging is a nice way to wind down after all of that. Well kinda winding down apart from the fight scene because three dudes flailing around with laser swords is kinda cool, especially when they do acrobatic stuff over a bottomless pit. Horuss makes a comment about handrails because someone has to and Mituna, well he just says Dew It like forty times in that voice because clearly every movie is just a backing for repeating memes. You say it too obviously, also Ow my mask and other such crucial movie watching reference one liners. Oh yeah they fight a robot army don't they, you keep forgetting about this part. Mostly because its cutting between like two different scenes that both have stuff going on. They don't even win it they get defaulted because apparently they run their army off of one central unit? Even though no other robot does? Whatever obviously everything needs to have a glaring weak point to be taken down with some kind of heroic suicide rush, some kind of, conquest g-spot if you will. Probably more exciting than watching them slowly starve from a protracted siege anyways. Horuss says some of this out loud, mostly mumbling, but he's right there so you catch most of it. 

When it gets to the part where the double laser sword dude gets cut in half Mituna points and says "Shit that's what you two did to me earlier." 

 

You both kinda tired laugh.  

 

You mumble,"Yeah, basically."

 

"...Perhaps not that graphic." 

 

"Nah dude my guts fucking exploded out of my abdomen and got all over the floor remember." 

 

"...No not really." You make a splorching sound with your mouth. 

 

"Yeah sounded like that." 

 

After that the movie wraps up. A final round of dew its happen during the award ceremony, then you all kinda mumble about if you should watch the next one or just call it a night. Then it's just, silence. Silence and cuddling. Its fucking incredible that these two can be quiet after what you all just did, but here you are. Mituna turns around and wraps his arms around you, also Horuss, but he can't really get that far. Then it's just, quiet. Just breathing and the running of fingers through hair. From time to time one of you gets another gummy but, it's just a chill time. A moment of mutual relaxation you're sharing with two rad dudes. The air conditioning humming softly in the background. You sigh contentedly. 

 

"...The ceiling is probably dry by now isn't it." 

 

"..." 

 

"..." 

 

"...Yeah... probably."   
  
***

  
The hive is finally clean, the tarps are in the wash, that one picture has been picked up and placed back on the table, everyone has had a good ass time, Mutuna is once again wearing his helmet, you don't think there are any extra deets besides that so, that about wraps up the post game. You're helping Mituna get back into his jumpsuit, its a bit trickier than getting out of it so you make sure to have him hold onto the towel rack while you slowly peel it back onto him, Hid head doesn't show any sign of a welt so you're glad, he's sturdy but you worry. You let the neck part snap into place, patting him on the shoulder. "Okay, done. Now you do me." Since he's gonna have a hold on you while you do it he doesn't have as much chance of falling over as he would if he were taking it off, so you don't harsh him when he tries it. What kind of matesprit would you be if you just prevented him from doing everything? A bad kind, probably. He takes a bit longer pulling yours up, mostly because he's a cheeky fuck, bless him, but soon yours is fully up and you wiggles around to make sure it's all snug. 

 

After a fast high five you're out of the ablution block and in the livingblock. Horuss is already waiting for you both with most of his rig on, his wonderful eyes obscured (not like you could see the pupils but the shape was nice.) He gives you a full wave like he's greeting you from a distance even though you both are right in front of him. "I certainly feel Meulin will enjoy me recounting this event with her later, I've had a real gallop of a time! We will have to do this again, whenever." 

 

You slap him friendly on the shoulder. "Sometime between now and infinity. Probably sooner. This was a blast." 

 

"Should stick some tarps to the fucking ceiling. You fucking don't hesitate when you spew the goo huh?" He slaps him on the other shoulder, also with friendly intent in mind. 

 

"Yes, I have been informed that when I come to completion my body has a STRONG projection of genetic fluids." 

 

You nod slowly. "Yeah dude, thats valid as fuck." 

 

"Ahem" 

 

"Valid as fruit." 

 

"Better." 

 

"Valid as vegetables." 

 

"Perfect, thank you." 

 

He puzzles with his belt for a bit, he's having trouble getting it to stay in place, he shrugs. "Well, I would say now is about time I exited and returned to my own abode." You lean in and give him a hug, more like you slapping his back and thumping in against his chest (ow), but yo it's the intent right? 

 

"You sure you're remembering everything?" You remark for no real reason. 

 

He looks at you confused. "Well, I didn't bring anything and I don't recall opening my sylladex so..." His lower face makes a scrunching look like his upper face is frowning, kinda derived but he hums and you know, you only really hum like that when you're frowning. "No, positive. I would remember if I forgot." 

 

"...Okay." 

 

He slings his belt over his shoulder and trots over towards the door, you and Mituna follow after him. 

 

You open if for him and beckon. "Here ya go, outside awaits. Take it easy okay?" 

 

He wipes his feet as he passes you both, turning on the Entry Greeting Exterior Ground Cover in front of the entryway. "Never fear! I always am very sure to be very cognizant of safety standards at all times. Barring outside interference on my sojourn safe arrival is basically guaranteed." 

 

"Okay fucko, good morning" 

 

He raises a finger. "Language. But yes, good morning! And good sleep! Obviously delay that one until you actually sleep. Toodles!" And with that, he tromps his way down the road. 

 

"What a fucking herb." 

 

You put your arm around Mituna’s shoulders and pull him close as you watch him leave. "Yeah, but a stand up kind of herb. A real apex dork." 

 

"King goody two shoes of pervert mountain." 

 

"Yeah, that works."

 

You sigh, it's a content sigh. You and mituna sit on the front step and look out at the twilight.

"We should have threesomes more often." Mituna turns to look at you. 

 

"Yeah... or more. Whole fucking orgy. Hive swarming with bitches." 

 

"Oh choice, very choice." 

 

"Only not Kankri." 

 

"...I doubt he would enjoy it even if we did. " 

 

"Actually never mind, yes we invite him, and make him fucking watch." 

 

"... Hm. Yeah you know that sounds fine. " He turns to look out at the starfield.

 

"Only if we fucking gag him before though, otherwise he would just ruin the mood." 

 

You snort. "... Yeah... he does kinda... go on... doesn't he." He knocks on your head. 

 

"Yeah duh, you bump your head too much back there?" 

 

He pulls back to block as you jokingly swat at him. "Shut up tuna, I’m fine, leave all the worrying to me okay?" 

 

A shrug. "Fine, okay. Don't come crying to me if you're fucking concussed or whatever. " 

 

"Yeah, literally got my brains fucked out. That's what all the teal was. Body cannibalized my brain to make all that slurry, only explanation." 

 

"Yeah shoulda scooped all of it up and drank it, replenished the sauce simmering in your thinkpan."

 

You stick your tongue out and punch him in the shoulder. You both kind of sit there chucking for a bit, Horuss has nearly departed from what you can see of the road from your hive. You pause your chuckling and hm. 

 

"You think..." 

 

He looks at you. "Hm?"

 

You rub your chin a bit. "...You think we should have told him that he forgot to put his pants on?" 

 

You both watch as both he and his grey tuches finally vanish from view. 

 

"...Fuck no." 

 

You nod, hard same. You both laugh and get up. You really expected him to notice and turn around, but you guess he's just so darn chipper he isn't aware of anything around him. Not your problem anymore really! You both head back inside, that's about enough hoofbeast shit for one night.


End file.
